His Heart Is Steel, Part 15
Mar. 12th, 2013 12:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jadedjadaTitle: His Heart is Steel, Part 15
Summary: We look into the universe from which everyone’s favorite mechanical monster first originated. A meeting is placed and a plan is set, as we begin the series of events and inner turmoils that cause the once lovable Pollo to become the evil, vengeful villain known as Mechakara.
Characters: Linkara, Iron Liz.
Warnings: More angst, more talk of death.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, all characters belong to their rightful owners.
Part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, and part 14. Enjoy!
Linkara looked up wearily, meeting the concerned eyes of his first officer. His first officer, and barring Pollo, his closest friend alive. He couldn't lie to her. It just wouldn't work. But what could he say?
“Insano and I fought again.” There. That was something honest.
Liz wrinkled her nose in response. “Yeah, I heard about that. So did everyone else downstairs, as a matter of fact. Spoony looked pretty damn steamed about it.”
“Of course he did.” Linkara sighed. He was probably over comforting the scientist right now. If Insano even needed comforting...
“Would you mind telling me what happened?”
Hesitation again. Here he would have to lie, at least to some extent. “Insano doesn't think I'm handling this mission properly, and I more or less told him to stuff it, and then things got...heated. And personal. As it does.”
Liz nodded in sympathy. “Well, look on the bright side. Tomorrow the world gets saved. Then we can all go back to our old lives and you never have to see Insano again.” Here she smiled brightly, confident that her words would make him feel better.
They didn't. Not by a long shot.
“There's more...” he whispered hastily. Liz leaned over attentively, waiting for elaboration. “I...I yelled at Pollo.”
This caught Liz off guard. “Pollo?? What was Pollo doing there? I thought he was upstairs!”
“He was...he wanted to talk to me after dinner and I...forgot...” God, he felt ashamed just saying it out loud.
“But...you never yell at Pollo.”
“I know!” Was his voice cracking? Probably. “I didn't mean to do it, I was just mad, and he was just...there...”
He could feel the tears coming. They'd been coming way too often as of late. “Oh God...” he mumbled, burying his face in his hands. “Oh God, I feel so awful...”
“Hey, hey. It's okay.” Liz moved over from her own bed to his, sitting next to him and putting her arms around him in an attempt at comfort. “Listen, Pollo will understand. These things happen. We all lose our temper every once in a while, and the stuff Pollo's made out of is too strong to let it affect him. You'll see!”
This did nothing to lift Linkaras' spirits. “Hey,” she said softly, gently pulling his hands away from his face, “It's going to be fine, okay? Just fine.”
Linkara shuddered slightly. It felt oddly satisfying to relieve his angst like this, even if it was only partially in honesty. “Maybe...maybe Insano's right about me. Maybe I'm not that good a leader...”
“Don't say that!” exclaimed Liz, “You are absolutely a good leader! I mean look around you, for crying out loud! Look at how far we've come! This world is about to be saved thanks to you. Thanks to all of us, really, but mostly thanks to you! You made it all happen! Fuck, Linkara, the rest of us probably wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you building that base to begin with! You saved them, Linkara!”
“Not all of them...”
“Oh, what? Because of the Critic? Look, that was beyond your control and you know it. You can't blame yourself for everything, you know. Hell, the fact that he was even alive at all was something we weren't really expecting. At least I wasn't...”
Linkara couldn't speak. He was beside himself. How could any of Lizs' words hold any kind of merit when they said things he knew weren't true? How could she possibly understand what he was going through if he couldn't even tell her the whole story? The answer was simple: she couldn't. And she couldn't make him seem like any less of a horrible person either, because the fact was he was being horrible to her. Lying to her. Lying to everybody.
He took a glance over at his pillow. His gun was underneath it, for that was how he slept. He'd always go to bed at night hoping that maybe, just maybe, he would dream that special dream again, and he would see her. The little girl. She'd come to him, just like before, and everything would be made all right.
But she never did. He lead her through war, he defended her life to his friends, he let people he cared about die for her protection, and still she never did.
He should stop believing. He really, really should. It wasn't safe. Insano could be right, it could be a hallucination. But he couldn't stop. Because the reality of it was it wasn't a hallucination. It was more than that. It was faith. Something to believe in, something to keep him going. Without it, he would crumble into dust.
And now, just at the point where it's almost over, things were getting worse than ever before. He was getting worse, he could feel it. Becoming more and more defensive with every confrontation. Defensive enough to attack Pollo. Poor Pollo...he probably didn't hear a thing other than raised voices. He was probably just confused. But Linkara acted on fear. Fear that Pollo did hear something, fear that he would turn against him too once he found out the truth. And Linkara couldn't take that. He needed Pollo. Needed him.
“How did this all get so wrong...” he muttered, more thinking out loud than anything else.
Liz, still with her arms around Linkara, leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed. “I don't know, Linkara. I just don't know.”
Linkara thought about all his friends who died building the base. Harvey Finevoice, 90s Kid, and Ninja Style Dancer. He thought about Nostalgia Chick, and all her friends, so horribly brutalized and eventually killed. He thought about the Critic, the only man whose dying breath he actually watched happen, whose tragic fate was entirely his fault. He missed them so desperately it hurt like a bitch. He wanted to bring them back. He wanted to bring everything back, but he just couldn't. Even with all the magic in the world he couldn't. The world could never go back to the way it was before. Not with all of them gone.
And he was alone. Sure, he had Liz and he had Pollo, both of whom he treasured with all his heart. But at the same time he didn't. As long as he pushed them away, as long as he kept them from seeing all he truly was, he was alone. Alone to carry the burden others had placed on him. Alone to save a world he'd cheated.
“Everything's changed so much.” he bemoaned, far past the point of trying not to cry. He needed to let it all out, he needed to feel released. “Everything. The world, our lives, our families. All the things we lost we can't ever get back. We're going to have to start over, don't you know that? Live entirely new lives! But I don't want a new life! I want the one we had before!” Now he could feel Liz shaking along with him. Was she crying too? “There's just nothing left anymore. Everything's different now. Everything's changed.”
There was silence. Linkara didn't know what to do with himself, the state he was in. He didn't know how Liz was reacting, for he couldn't bear to look at her face. Then she said something, with her voice cracking just as much. Something that hit home in more ways than you can imagine.
“We haven't changed.”
That did it. That brought it all the way to too much. Linkara broke down into sobs, so loud and uncontrolled they sounded like a childs'. He buried his face into Lizs' chest and he felt like a child. And Liz was crying too. They both cried, sitting next to each other, clinging for solace, neither letting go until they both were finally, finally done.
And even then, neither of them said anything. Liz went back over to her own bed without a word, evidently ready to call it a night. Linkara wondered if he should feel sorry for dumping all that on her, then decided it was something they both needed. He had too many things clouding his conscience as it was, he didn't need another.
Besides, he felt better now. Better than he had in a long, long time.
She's right, Linkara realized as he lay down to rest. Liz was right. Despite everything that had happened, all the pressure he'd been under, all the stress of hiding his secret, all the horrible stuff that went on that he couldn't help but feel responsible for, he still had himself. Himself was alive, himself was sane. And not alone, he needed to get that thought out of his head right away. Was he going to let go of his attachment to the magic gun? No, no he was not. Was it unfortunate that the Critic ended up dead? Yes, yes it was. But he couldn't let that drag him down completely. Not when they were at the brink of being victorious.
As for Pollo...of course he would need to apologize to him. And apologize he would. Tomorrow. Surely that would suffice for everyone involved. Surely Pollo would hold no ill will. Because despite it all, despite how little he knew, Pollo understood. Pollo always understood.
So he slept, eager to get the night over with so he could start a bright new day, and hoping against hope that all would go just as well as he wanted it to. Complete with the bright and familiar faces of his friends, still alive, and still on his side.
We haven't changed...
Linkara could only hope that was true.
Summary: We look into the universe from which everyone’s favorite mechanical monster first originated. A meeting is placed and a plan is set, as we begin the series of events and inner turmoils that cause the once lovable Pollo to become the evil, vengeful villain known as Mechakara.
Characters: Linkara, Iron Liz.
Warnings: More angst, more talk of death.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, all characters belong to their rightful owners.
Part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, and part 14. Enjoy!
Linkara sat on his bed upstairs, in the quarters he shared with Iron Liz and Pollo, and stared at the floor. Liz was in the washroom, freshening up the best she could with no water. Insano had installed a special sort of independent plumbing system back at their base, but here they were more or less outta luck. Heaven only knew where Pollo was. Evidently he didn't feel like being there, and Linkara didn't blame him.
He didn't mean what he said. Not one single solitary word of it. Where those words even came from, he had no idea. He was just angry, angry at Insano, angry at himself, angry at the world. And there Pollo was, in the wrong place and at the wrong time. It wasn't his fault, of course. He'd asked him to be there. And now...
“Guilty” didn't even begin to cover it. He felt like his insides were being eaten away. He hated himself.
“Well, that was pointless.” Muttered Liz as she walked in the room. Her bed was opposite his, and when she sat down on it he faced him directly and, by sheer dumb luck, got a look at his face. “Hey, is something wrong?”
Linkara looked up wearily, meeting the concerned eyes of his first officer. His first officer, and barring Pollo, his closest friend alive. He couldn't lie to her. It just wouldn't work. But what could he say?
“Insano and I fought again.” There. That was something honest.
Liz wrinkled her nose in response. “Yeah, I heard about that. So did everyone else downstairs, as a matter of fact. Spoony looked pretty damn steamed about it.”
“Of course he did.” Linkara sighed. He was probably over comforting the scientist right now. If Insano even needed comforting...
“Would you mind telling me what happened?”
Hesitation again. Here he would have to lie, at least to some extent. “Insano doesn't think I'm handling this mission properly, and I more or less told him to stuff it, and then things got...heated. And personal. As it does.”
Liz nodded in sympathy. “Well, look on the bright side. Tomorrow the world gets saved. Then we can all go back to our old lives and you never have to see Insano again.” Here she smiled brightly, confident that her words would make him feel better.
They didn't. Not by a long shot.
“There's more...” he whispered hastily. Liz leaned over attentively, waiting for elaboration. “I...I yelled at Pollo.”
This caught Liz off guard. “Pollo?? What was Pollo doing there? I thought he was upstairs!”
“He was...he wanted to talk to me after dinner and I...forgot...” God, he felt ashamed just saying it out loud.
“But...you never yell at Pollo.”
“I know!” Was his voice cracking? Probably. “I didn't mean to do it, I was just mad, and he was just...there...”
He could feel the tears coming. They'd been coming way too often as of late. “Oh God...” he mumbled, burying his face in his hands. “Oh God, I feel so awful...”
“Hey, hey. It's okay.” Liz moved over from her own bed to his, sitting next to him and putting her arms around him in an attempt at comfort. “Listen, Pollo will understand. These things happen. We all lose our temper every once in a while, and the stuff Pollo's made out of is too strong to let it affect him. You'll see!”
This did nothing to lift Linkaras' spirits. “Hey,” she said softly, gently pulling his hands away from his face, “It's going to be fine, okay? Just fine.”
Linkara shuddered slightly. It felt oddly satisfying to relieve his angst like this, even if it was only partially in honesty. “Maybe...maybe Insano's right about me. Maybe I'm not that good a leader...”
“Don't say that!” exclaimed Liz, “You are absolutely a good leader! I mean look around you, for crying out loud! Look at how far we've come! This world is about to be saved thanks to you. Thanks to all of us, really, but mostly thanks to you! You made it all happen! Fuck, Linkara, the rest of us probably wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you building that base to begin with! You saved them, Linkara!”
“Not all of them...”
“Oh, what? Because of the Critic? Look, that was beyond your control and you know it. You can't blame yourself for everything, you know. Hell, the fact that he was even alive at all was something we weren't really expecting. At least I wasn't...”
Linkara couldn't speak. He was beside himself. How could any of Lizs' words hold any kind of merit when they said things he knew weren't true? How could she possibly understand what he was going through if he couldn't even tell her the whole story? The answer was simple: she couldn't. And she couldn't make him seem like any less of a horrible person either, because the fact was he was being horrible to her. Lying to her. Lying to everybody.
He took a glance over at his pillow. His gun was underneath it, for that was how he slept. He'd always go to bed at night hoping that maybe, just maybe, he would dream that special dream again, and he would see her. The little girl. She'd come to him, just like before, and everything would be made all right.
But she never did. He lead her through war, he defended her life to his friends, he let people he cared about die for her protection, and still she never did.
He should stop believing. He really, really should. It wasn't safe. Insano could be right, it could be a hallucination. But he couldn't stop. Because the reality of it was it wasn't a hallucination. It was more than that. It was faith. Something to believe in, something to keep him going. Without it, he would crumble into dust.
And now, just at the point where it's almost over, things were getting worse than ever before. He was getting worse, he could feel it. Becoming more and more defensive with every confrontation. Defensive enough to attack Pollo. Poor Pollo...he probably didn't hear a thing other than raised voices. He was probably just confused. But Linkara acted on fear. Fear that Pollo did hear something, fear that he would turn against him too once he found out the truth. And Linkara couldn't take that. He needed Pollo. Needed him.
“How did this all get so wrong...” he muttered, more thinking out loud than anything else.
Liz, still with her arms around Linkara, leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed. “I don't know, Linkara. I just don't know.”
Linkara thought about all his friends who died building the base. Harvey Finevoice, 90s Kid, and Ninja Style Dancer. He thought about Nostalgia Chick, and all her friends, so horribly brutalized and eventually killed. He thought about the Critic, the only man whose dying breath he actually watched happen, whose tragic fate was entirely his fault. He missed them so desperately it hurt like a bitch. He wanted to bring them back. He wanted to bring everything back, but he just couldn't. Even with all the magic in the world he couldn't. The world could never go back to the way it was before. Not with all of them gone.
And he was alone. Sure, he had Liz and he had Pollo, both of whom he treasured with all his heart. But at the same time he didn't. As long as he pushed them away, as long as he kept them from seeing all he truly was, he was alone. Alone to carry the burden others had placed on him. Alone to save a world he'd cheated.
“Everything's changed so much.” he bemoaned, far past the point of trying not to cry. He needed to let it all out, he needed to feel released. “Everything. The world, our lives, our families. All the things we lost we can't ever get back. We're going to have to start over, don't you know that? Live entirely new lives! But I don't want a new life! I want the one we had before!” Now he could feel Liz shaking along with him. Was she crying too? “There's just nothing left anymore. Everything's different now. Everything's changed.”
There was silence. Linkara didn't know what to do with himself, the state he was in. He didn't know how Liz was reacting, for he couldn't bear to look at her face. Then she said something, with her voice cracking just as much. Something that hit home in more ways than you can imagine.
“We haven't changed.”
That did it. That brought it all the way to too much. Linkara broke down into sobs, so loud and uncontrolled they sounded like a childs'. He buried his face into Lizs' chest and he felt like a child. And Liz was crying too. They both cried, sitting next to each other, clinging for solace, neither letting go until they both were finally, finally done.
And even then, neither of them said anything. Liz went back over to her own bed without a word, evidently ready to call it a night. Linkara wondered if he should feel sorry for dumping all that on her, then decided it was something they both needed. He had too many things clouding his conscience as it was, he didn't need another.
Besides, he felt better now. Better than he had in a long, long time.
She's right, Linkara realized as he lay down to rest. Liz was right. Despite everything that had happened, all the pressure he'd been under, all the stress of hiding his secret, all the horrible stuff that went on that he couldn't help but feel responsible for, he still had himself. Himself was alive, himself was sane. And not alone, he needed to get that thought out of his head right away. Was he going to let go of his attachment to the magic gun? No, no he was not. Was it unfortunate that the Critic ended up dead? Yes, yes it was. But he couldn't let that drag him down completely. Not when they were at the brink of being victorious.
As for Pollo...of course he would need to apologize to him. And apologize he would. Tomorrow. Surely that would suffice for everyone involved. Surely Pollo would hold no ill will. Because despite it all, despite how little he knew, Pollo understood. Pollo always understood.
So he slept, eager to get the night over with so he could start a bright new day, and hoping against hope that all would go just as well as he wanted it to. Complete with the bright and familiar faces of his friends, still alive, and still on his side.
We haven't changed...
Linkara could only hope that was true.
